Tag Archives: breastfeeding

Why Time Magazine is representative of everything that is bothering me right now

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This topic is going to be HUGE around the web, people. Time Magazine has an article about the “controversial” practices of Attachment Parenting philosophy and Dr. Sears in their latest issue. Here is the cover:

Jamie Lynne Grumet, photographed by Martin Schoeller

The picture is shocking. What bothers me about it is two-fold. First of all, it’s an unnatural position and posed to solicit strong feelings. (In real life, a mother nurses like this only to relieve a plugged duct – I’m just saying.) In other words, society finds breastfeeding shocking AND that shock value makes people spend money. Secondly, I am bothered that people get all out-of-whack calling it inapropriate, disgusting, or sexually motivated.

How about this one?

Jennifer Aniston photographed by Michael Thompson

Or this one?

Julia Louis Dreyfus photographed by Shape Magazine.

I will tell you what the difference is, my friends. The first photo is a picture of breasts that are not being paid for their work, photographed for shock value to sell magazines. Those breasts are working hard every day, contributing to society in a critical way, but they don’t receive a monetary paycheck. The next two pictures are big stars (disclaimer – I am a fan of both of these ladies) who are paid big bucks that in an industry where appearance is of critical importance, and the photos are meant to be shocking or inspiring for the purpose of selling magazines. But I didn’t feel the need to blog several thousand words about the GQ or Shape photos.

Why?

In the Time Magazine article, Dr. Sears is portrayed as an anti-feminist, as someone whose parenting practices have brainwashed women into sacrificing themselves upon the mantle of motherhood while giving up every other part of their identity in order to meet the demanding code of AP (attachement parenting).

I find this to be frustrating. Let me outline my reasons.

1) These women are not doing something unheard of or unadvised in regards to breastfeeding. In fact, as my friend Grace pointed out on Facebook, they are only following the guidelines of the World Health Organization and the American Academy of Pediatrics who advocate breastfeeding for far longer than the average American mother does. Nowhere in the article do they talk about the fact that parents (YES! NOT JUST MOTHERS!) who practice AP are some of the minority who are meeting the health guidelines laid out by all major medical organizations.

2) Are some AP practices controversial? Yes. Co-sleeping and extended breastfeeding (and recently even babywearing) have their share of detractors. But are they controversial in such a way as to pit mothers against one another? The cover states boldly “Are You Mom Enough?”, suggesting that only the toughest, best, hardiest mothers could practice AP. I must honestly tell you that, in my anecdotal experience, I have never seen anything to indicate that AP parents are tougher or work harder than those who don’t. In fact, AP parents are some of the laziest that I know – and I mean that in a loving way! It was so simple for me to pop out a nipple and keep typing, or snuggle baby into daddy’s arms so I could keep doing the bookwork late in the evening – not a very disciplined lifestyle, but that’s my personality and how life works on our farm (we like to roll with the punches rather than plan ahead too much). In other words: It worked for us. It’s not because I was “mom enough,” it just felt right. Intentionally fanning the flames of bad feelings in the so-called ‘mommy wars’ is yet another sad commentary on our society. It’s like forming a circle and yelling “Fight! Fight! Fight!” while you encourage the two mommies to bite, scratch, and pull hair. It’s a dirty trick.

3) Are AP parents sometimes pretty militant about their parenting practices? OF COURSE. Think back for a moment to when you were a first-time parent and the things you felt were CRITICAL. (I know, it’s funny now, isn’t it?) How about calling to mind a first-time parenting couple you know (or knew because they don’t talk to you anymore) that were just…over-the-top. Those parents come in all shapes and sizes, but they are generally most pronounced with their first infant and are typically overbearing in every other part of their lives as well. We’ve all met someone like that – whether it has to do with where you go to church, how you educate, if you drink (or don’t), what you eat, and how you parent – if you aren’t aligned with their system they just can’t feel comfortable hanging out. They are the minority.

Have you ever read the Baby Wise books? They are the antithesis of the Dr. Sears books in every way. Baby Wise parents have a reputation of equal tenacity. I actually know several people who prescribe to Baby Wise philosophies and you know what? They are very nice. They still hang out with me despite the fact that my copy of the Sears’ “Baby Book” is too worn to even loan out. And our differently reared children like each other and get along just great. We even liked each other when our children were infants and theirs were on a tight schedule of crying in their crib and mine were strapped to my torso and offered my milk regardless of where we were or who else was in the room. I didn’t feel threatened or angry because they did it differently. I never assumed it was my responsibility to convert them to my way of parenting. Hell, I was far too busy questioning everything I was doing to find time to judge what they were doing. At the most I may have rolled my eyes (mentally) or voiced in private to my spouse “I could NEVER manage that.” I am certain they did the same things when we parted. But none of it was ever malicious, or made the assumption that we were better parents, or made us feel like we couldn’t be around one another. It just helped us find the right style of parenting for us.

And you know what else? Those Baby Wisers were just as tired and overwhelmed as I was. They were also as satisfied and confident as I was.

4) I’m a feminist. I was raised by a feminist. I cannot see how AP is anti-feminist. Here is a terrific article that does a great job of explaining just why second-generation feminists like me prescribe to AP parenting methods. Isn’t feminism is supposed to be about women having complete freedom to choose their paths in life without being restricted by stereotypes or societal pressure? There are AP families who maintain their parenting style with a stay-at-home dad and a full-time working mother. There are women like the gorgeous mother on the cover of this magazine who are going against what (evidently) most of society thinks is normal because it is right for her. THAT IS FEMINISM. She isn’t doing what she is told by society is the ‘right way’ to mother. And I find it offensive that the magazine is suggesting that feminists only support breasts that work for money. My breasts are powerful in more ways than one and it is against the very tenants of feminism to suggest that they can only fill the role of sexual pleasure. That is the most anti-feminist concept I’ve ever heard and only contributes to the objectification of women in our culture. There are entire books written about how breastfeeding and the natural parenting movement hurts the feminist movement and I find that concept critically narrow-minded. Extended breastfeeding (and natural parenting) gave me more freedom and success in my roles outside of motherhood, not less.

5) What hurts the feminist movement, the mothers movement, and underscores the very obvious fact that we aren’t living in a family-friendly society is the problem our culture is having with pigeon-holing. We suck about stereotyping. Guess what? There are Baby Wise families that come to La Leche League Meetings and successfully breastfeed their infants into toddlerhood despite the recommendations against it in the book. There are parents who use many AP-type methods (like me) and have a toddler that cries alone in their room while mommy or daddy holds the door shut and tries to figure out how to not beat the child for a few minutes despite what they have read. There are stay-at-home mothers, work-at-home mothers (raising my hand), work-outside-the-home mothers, and there are constantly overlooked fathers (!) in each of these places. There are different parenting techniques that work for all of them, there are different struggles for all of them, and there are different ways each family finds their path to the right place for them. It is the greatest flaw of human nature to assume that your way is the one right and best way and to insist, in every way, that others should and must do the same. Inflamitory language that you aren’t “mom enough” to parent in a certain way suggests not only that mothers who DO parent that way assume it is the right way for everyone else, but also that it is the hardest way. We are not dumbasses. If something isn’t working, we change it. We are all just doing our best, we mothers and fathers, no matter where we work or what method of parenting fits who we are and what we are hoping to achieve. And yes, I’m speaking for everybody. I never do that. But I’m fully confident that I represent every parents feelings when I say “We are all just doing our best.”

6) Creating a judgemental conversation contributes to the divide our entire culture is suffering from. I am absolutely dumbfounded that, not only are mothers (and families) judging one another, but all of society is busy pointing the finger at one another. You want more maternity leave (or paternity leave AT ALL) – In this economy?! You want better schools? Blame the teachers/government/parents/summer break/economy. You’re homeschooling? You are ruining your children (or flaunting your money and education, depending on who you ask). You want to get married to someone who is the same sex as you? That is a sin according MY religion. Oh, you don’t share my religious beliefs? That doesn’t matter – you still have to follow MY rules. Because WE ALL HAVE TO BE THE SAME AND MY WAY IS THE ONLY RIGHT WAY.

I spent this year homeschooling my kids in early American History. We devoted a great deal of time studying the American Revolution. I can’t imagine how the people who founded our country would feel about our current situation. Our government was based on everyone having the same rights – even if you were Catholic (they were going strait to hell) or *gasp* Jewish (they killed Jesus, there was a special seat next to Satan for them). But they received equal rights under the law (well, so long as you weren’t a woman or a slave). It was much harder for early Americans to figure out how to live with one another and give each other equal rights – their entire culture before winning independence was based on inequality, monarchy and forced religious obedience. Americans sought to change that – they did so by shedding their own blood, and choosing to give Protestants, Catholics, Baptists, Amish and Jewish people equality and protection of those rights under the law. Not by boycotting JC Penny (though I support the right of those offended to do so). They didn’t do it by forcing everyone to have the same health insurance or provide insurance that goes against their own beliefs (and I support the right of those who disagree with me to say so).

We are far from a perfect country and our early government was no utopia. American culture has been a constant chase for true liberty and real democracy. First came the rule of the people. Soon after the property ownership requirements for voting powers were knocked down by the rule of the people. The Civil War finally abolished slavery throughout our country, though it was a long and bloody conflict that began almost immediately after we won independence from England. Women’s suffrage, Civil rights, the right to divorce, the right to maintain contact with your children and the right to demand parental responsibility after a divorce, being accepted without a religious affiliation, inclusivity for the handicapped; we are constantly moving toward true equality. Liberty means making your own choices so long as they don’t infringe upon the liberties of anyone else.

I also believe that it involves a level of tolerance and refraining from judging those who aren’t applying their liberties in the same way as you.

Sometimes I see offensive pictures like this one:

Click the link above for the photo credit - this is a stock photo of someone not-so-famous.

This is me taking a page from Time Magazine. I’m going for shock value. What could I possibly find offensive about this photo? Do I think this mother is wrong or a terrible mother or not bonding with her baby? On the contrary. The mother looks happy and in love with her baby, the baby is darling and makes me want to make cooing sounds. What I find offensive is the reminder that in our competitive, intolerant and anti-family society a mother receives so little support and information about breastfeeding that she needs to give such a tiny baby a bottle, costing her time, money and confidence from perceived judgement (after all, the AAP and WHO recommend it for a minimum of a year!). I reserve my judgement for the current practice of the medical establishment. Doctors and Nurses are not well educated or qualified to help with breastfeeding even though they strongly recommend it, and it’s left new parents to swim against the tide of abysmal formula company practices that have allowed them to make money hand over fist for generations. I would never judge the mother – I know for a fact she is doing her best and loves her baby just as much as I love mine. Do I judge her health care providers? Not really. They care deeply about their patients and are doing the best they can with the information they have. Most mothers in America initiate breastfeeding, but at a very early point cannot continue – usually due to the erroneous information they have been given or societal pressure.

Do I judge the few moms who never even wanted to breastfeed? Nope. See all my comments about not infringing on or judging other people’s choices? My problem is with the lack of support for the majority of women who DO choose to breastfeed. What if she is taking one of the very few medications you can’t have while breastfeeding? Or has had surgery that severed her milk ducts? Do I suggest that this mother shouldn’t be allowed to bottle feed her baby in public because I find it offensive? Or that she shouldn’t be pictured on the cover of a magazine because I think it is morally wrong the way formula companies market their wares? Capitol N, Capitol O.

Do I judge the formula companies? Sorta, but all of society is focused only on money (Hello, some feminists only support boobs that work outside of the home) and these companies are working within the regulations the government has placed on them. Do I judge the government for the regulations they have made? Well, sorta but we are a government of the people, so that really means I’m blaming me.

So what do I do about that? I talk about breastfeeding a lot. I breastfed my babies in public (well, my second and third, anyway – I was pressured by society to never leave home the first time until my feminist side overcame my fears of being stereotyped or judged). I went to nurse-ins to protest unfair treatment of breastfeeding mothers. I volunteered for years with La Leche League. I write to people in government. I talk with my girlfriends about it. I talk with my baby sister about it so that if she becomes a mother one day she will be armed with good information. I blog about it.

I post pictures like this one, here and on Facebook, to help normalize the idea of breastfeeding and what it really looks like:

My husband posed and took this picture when my daughter was 27 months old. We continued to breastfeed long after this. I'm not telling you this so you'll think I'm special. I'm telling you this so you know it's normal.

So I guess I should be glad about the Time article, because it is going to stimulate conversation. I don’t appreciate that it is happening in such an inflammatory way, but then again this IS America. It’s how we roll. We make big changes in big ways, we love shock and we love breasts (raising hand again). I think we need to start a new movement in America – the Familist movement. I’ll do what works best for us, you do what works best for you, and we will all support one another by refraining from judgement, pressure or discrimination. Are you in?

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It’s world breastfeeding week!

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So, happy week to ya.  And to my boobs, which did an awesome job giving my three babies perfect nutrition!   I was going to write a funny post about boobs and how great it is to use them to feed babies, but MODG already did, so you can just read it (here) and trust me, it’s worth your time because you need to laugh as hard as it’s going to make you.

 

Props to my boobies, peeps!

Are you able to see the wolf in sheep’s clothing?

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Nestle’ has introduced a new product (they are the parent company of Gerber, who manufactures infant formula).  The more recent comeback of breastfeeding popularity in our society is causing slumping sales for formula companies.  Trying to find another way into the pockets of families, they have introduced a “Keurig” for formula.  In the past several days, I’ve seen it pop up on my Facebook page in various articles and blogs, but I wanted to share this one in particular:  politicsrespun.  What struck me was not the opinion itself (though it is very good writing), but the comments.  Here is what struck a discordant note with me:

 

Mad as Hell
May 26th, 2011 @ 1:21 pm

Youn know. Its people like you that made my wife feel like a failure for not being able to breastfeed. For about a day that is, until the joys of formula feeding started to show themselves.

And we have the happiest little girl you can possibly imagine. She ate meat at 4 months and loved it

I know more about the biology of antibodies then most people who read this and I can say this…..you want to breastfeed, go ahead. But keep your recriminations to yourself, because none of us want to hear about it…and at the end of the day, none of us care about you or your crazy, misguided approach to raising children.

This kind of thinking led right to the ‘Genderless child’ in Toronto

Shut up and leave us alone.

Formula Feeder, and proud of it

 

 

There are so many things wrong with this, I’m not sure where to start.  I didn’t reply on the blog because there were several excellent and sensitive replies.  But I still wanted to talk about it so I’m going to do so here in an effort to stimulate some productive conversation.

 

1)  The blog was criticizing formula companies and their marketing tactics, not women who cannot breastfeed.  It did also lay blame upon medical institutions and professionals who take monetary (or other) rewards from formula companies to promote their products (note:  when you tell a new mother that breastfeeding is best as you hand her a sample of Gerber formula and a brochure about their new machine, it is like telling a blind date you had a nice time even though you have no intention of ever seeing them again so you give them a fake number.)

 

2)I am very sorry this man’s wife feels so badly.  She obviously had a great desire to breastfeed!  The anger here is justified, however misplaced.  One day is not long enough to know if a person is medically unable to breastfeed.  I do not know the exact circumstances in this case, but it takes an average of 3-5 day for a mother’s milk to come in.  So unless she didn’t have nipples, a day is not long enough to try (and if she didn’t have nipples, I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t have tried).  This man and his wife have been victims of poor information and lack of support.  Her option to breastfeed was stolen from her by the withholding of correct and helpful information.  If she (and he) had been given proper encouragement and support for her desires, if she had been given support and the facts she needed, her story may have been very different.  The anger needs to be placed upon those who put her in a position of failure.  SHE did not fail.  THEY FAILED HER.

 

3)  I am very glad for their beautiful and happy daughter.  Children are a joy, a gift, and awaken in us the most heart-rending love humanly possible no matter how they are fed.  I am very thankful formula is available when it is necessary.

 

4)  The AAP and the WHO (World Health Organization) recommend *exclusive* (this means absolutely nothing else – no water, juice, formula) breastfeeding for the first six months.  The little girl referred to in this angry comment was formula fed, and therefore needed to start solid foods earlier because formula does NOT meet all of her nutritional needs as breastfeeding would have (no wonder the mother wanted to breastfeed!).  There is actually nothing wrong with feeding an infant pureed meat.  It is an excellent source of iron, which all babies need.  Two of my infants started with meat.  It is a better alternative than cereals, as they are chalk-full of some of the most common food allergens.  And the earlier an infant begins on solid foods, the higher their risk for food allergies.  If you are fortunate enough to be breastfeeding, it is wonderful to know that you are providing what your baby needs within the biological norm of our species.  If you are formula feeding, it is very important that you are supplementing your baby’s nutrition.

 

5)  Of course, you realize the formula companies also manufacture all those cereals and baby foods?

 

6)  Um, if this person really does know more about antibodies than me, I think he would have the desire to be more informed about breastfeeding so that he and his wife can be better prepared to fend off toxic information and support if they have another child.  Properly informed support from spouses and grandparents have been found to be the single most important factor determining the success of a breastfeeding relationship.  As so many mothers can tell you – they really wanted to breastfeed their baby and the system failed them and their supportive-but-uninformed partners.  These parents are putting misplaced trust with individuals (hospitals, OB/GYNs, Nurses and Pediatricians – all well intentioned) who are improperly educated by the formula companies themselves.

 

7)  None of this blog was a recrimination of mothers who formula feed.  This was a recrimination of the companies that manufacture formula for the express purpose of making as much money as possible, regardless of the health of the consumers.  I find it especially distasteful seeing as the consumers who suffer most of the physical consequences have no voice.  (The mother also suffers physical consequences as well, though not as many or as severe.)  Formula is an important and necessary tool.  It can truly be a life saver in every sense.  But consumers need to be fully informed that they and their baby are going to suffer consequences for a choice that is insidiously posed as ‘convenient’ by clever marketing and unethically promoted by institutions that parents trust to have their best interest in mind.  I realize it is in the consumer’s hands.  But it is hard to choose to breastfeed when you are encouraged to give the baby formula the first day you are in the hospital postpartum because you are having trouble latching the baby on.  Formula companies have been reduced from marketing themselves as better than breastmilk to just as good as breastmilk to their current representation of “breastmilk is the very best, but our product is a close second and more convenient.”  None of these ever has been or ever will be true.

 

8 ) If that last point was a bit long, let me sum it up for you.  They just want your money, people.  Just like everyone selling something.  You have to be an informed consumer.  Do not take what they say at face value.  It is like watching an election debate – nobody really says what they mean, it’s all been rehearsed so many times it smacks of insincerity, and most of the time nobody actually answers a question.  It’s lots of fancy slogans and banners designed to make you feel good enough about the candidate to vote for them.  But you don’t really know enough about them to understand what you are really getting.

 

9)  How in any way did this article show breastfeeding as a crazy and misguided approach to parenting? Nor does it suggest formula feeding to be a crazy or misguided way of loving and raising children.  Rather, it is an open criticism of a company’s obvious bid for money over the health and well being of its consumers.

 

10)  The raising of the genderless child in Toronto is actually much more like formula feeding than Mad as Hell would like to think.  For those of you not following me – we don’t really know how the children in this family are going to be affected by their parents attempts to protect them from gender stereotyping.  We know they obviously love them very much and are doing what they feel is the best thing for their family.  It is a social experiment, in a way.  Not because these parents want to experiment with their children, but because they truly believe with every fiber of their existence that they are doing what must be done to bring their children up the very best way they can even though it is different than everyone else.  A lot like Mad As Hell because there is not an understanding of the long-term effects of formula feeding of infants, and the more studies are done the worse the news gets.  But formula companies keep right on pushing it as an excellent choice and health care professionals keep letting them.  And guess what – unlike Storm’s parents, who are alone in their chioces, Mad As Hell is surrounded by families in similar situations.  And I’m certain Mad As Hell and his wife love their daughter more than anything in the world and believe with every fiber of their being that formula was the right and best choice for them at the time.  He may feel that he knows it is bad for those three children in Toronto to be raised without gender-bias, but we all know it is worse for their daughter to have formula when his wife should have been given better support and information than she was in order to have a choice at all.  The parents in Toronto made their choice freely, but Mad As Hell and his wife had their choice removed from them.

 

11)  The author was not talking to Mad As Hell.  At all.  Telling the author to “shut up and leave us alone” shows how deep the wounds can cut when we are pitted against one another over an issue that involves such intense feelings.  I think this is something Mad As Hell should be telling the formula companies.

 

12) Regardless of how this family feeds their infant, I know how much they love her and how proud they are of her.

 

A great cookie recipe

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I’ve been inspired to renew my commitment to healthier eating after reading my friend’s blog bread with honey.  I wanted to make a treat of some sort yesterday when I opened a new jar of our favorite peanut butter, and I found this:

 

Peanut Butter Cookies made with no sugar or animal fat.

 

The reviews are in and it’s thumbs up around the table here.  I cooked the first sheet a bit too long, so the texture was chalky.  The second set has a moister, more pleasing cookie-like softness without the dryness.  I’m also considering using applesauce in place of some of the maple syrup and oil next time (great suggestion from my mother-in-law).  Oh – and I used creamy peanut butter instead of chunky and that seemed to work out just fine.  Also I baked these at 325 in my convection oven instead of 350 – but I reduce the temperature on almost every recipe I bake so go with whatever your  oven usually does for you.

 

Keep in mind that you need to use REAL maple syrup.   If you’ve been buying imitation syrup (on the label it will say something like “with the taste of real maple syrup” and on the back it will list high-fructose corn syrup as the #1 ingredient) you are in for sticker shock.  As with most things that are not bad for you, it costs more because it is not made of a by-product or sustained by chemical preservatives and therefore requires a completely different (and usually more labor-intensive) method to bring it to your table.  This, in turn, means it costs more for you, the consumer, in monetary terms.

 

I like to think of it this way:  It is usually true that you get what you pay for.  I have found this to cross over to most aspects of life.  Whether you are paying in time, elbow grease, sweat, practice or dollars, the more you put in the better the results tend to be.  This often makes something you want to buy worth waiting and saving for in order to invest in something that will last.  The same is true with food – the more expensive foods will reap the greatest benefit and do the most for you.  Also, they usually taste much better once you get used to eating actual food instead of nutritionally-fortified boxed items.

 

You can buy pasta that is incredibly inexpensive, and it will keep you from starving.  However, your body will suffer from the poor nutrition, lack of fiber, and energy expended digesting something with so little return.  You can also buy really healthy pasta (our favorite is this kind) but it is going to cost a lot more because it has *real food* as the ingredients.  I could probably make extremely healthy pasta and it would be moan-worthy, but only after a lot of practice and time.  So I’m going with the box version for now and that is close enough.

 

Fruits and vegetables are another great example.  It is unarguable that a diet high in vegetables and fruits is the healthiest, and the more you consume raw, the better.  It’s like breastfeeding – indisputable fact that it is what a body needs and performs best with.  You can buy canned fruits and vegetables, and yes they are still nutritious though many of them have added salt or preservatives you probably want to avoid.  Frozen is a bit more expensive, but frozen vegetables retain more of their nutrients than canned vegetables do.  But the best for you?  Of course fresh vegetables are healthiest, and eating them raw is the best way to get every good thing you can from them.  So as you would guess, fresh vegetables not only cost the most, but if you are cooking them require a different level of involvement to prepare.  But it’s worth it.

 

I have also found that, since I began working to change how we were eating (around nine years ago) I have come around to the understanding that it may *seem* like a lot more work to make peanut butter cookies from scratch with all-natural ingredients – but actually it is not. It’s just a different way of doing things, and the more practice I have had with making meals from “whole” foods, the easier and simpler it has become.  Not to beat a dead horse, but once again it is like breastfeeding.  Our culture has a strange idea that bottle-feeding an infant is easier than breastfeeding.  In actual fact, nothing could be further from the truth – artificially feeding a baby is SO much more work, between purchasing and mixing the formula, washing and sterilizing all the equipment, not to mention the cost of all that formula and equipment!  I was fortunate that I saw other mothers breastfeeding, so I had an idea of how it would work for me.  Sit down (or sling up) and the only effort required on my part was lowering the flap on my nursing tank.  It required an investment of practice and frustration instead of dollars, but the payoff was astronomical.  (BTW kudos to all those mothers who pumped and bottle-fed.  It is all the work of formula-feeding, but with the medical benefits of breastfeeding.)

 

Feeding my family with simple recipes made from a variety of foods in as close to their natural state as possible – that’s my mantra and I’m sticking to it.  I hope your family enjoys these cookies as much as mine have!

When it rains, it pours…breastmilk.

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So after my long-winded post about breastfeeding in public yesterday, or perhaps we should say my ode to the breast and her dual purposes, we went to the YMCA to go swimming.

While we were there, another mother and I made passing conversation between throwing diving sticks, tossing children, saying “I did see! It was amazing!” or “Stop splashing her in the face!”  She divided her attention between a set of twins who were seven (I know this because they were having passing conversation with Shooter) and her two-year-old.

I happened to see her again as we left, while Shooter went to talk to one of his buddies in the family game room.  She was sitting quietly in the lounging area with the television, surrounded by people scattered in the other seats, quietly and unobtrusively breastfeeding her youngest.  As with most public breastfeeding, unless you have done it yourself or are married to someone who has done it, you would never know.  The little boy was cradled in her arm, appearing to be sleeping, wrapped in her jacket with one hand reached up to clutch the collar of her shirt.  Not a millimeter of skin showing. 

It reminded me of the day before when we went on a field trip to the Nature Center for a picnic and a hike with two of my best friends.  Both have nurslings, and during the museum portion of our field trip, they both stopped at some point to breastfeed.  Again, had I not known what it looks like, I would never have realized they were breastfeeding their babies.  I nursed all over the place with two of my children, once I got over the stigma of public breastfeeding.  Grocery stores, malls, museums, classes, meetings, even during church.  No one ever noticed (that approached me, anyway).  I even had a man come up to me once in a store and ask if I knew where a certain item was - he obviously had no idea I was nursing and even after speaking to me didn’t notice.

I really wanted to tell the mother I saw nursing at the YMCA “Way to go!” but found my self with an interesting situation…She was sitting in an open area with lots of other people sitting close enough to overhear anything I said.  As with most public breastfeeders, she does not have a desire to call attention to herself.  So it would defeat the purpose if I went over and said, in front of all the quiet TV-watchers, “So glad to see you breastfeeding that toddler!  It’s really the best thing for him!  Isn’t it wonderful?!  I breastfed all mine past two also.”

You can imagine how that might make her uncomfortable as well as alarm others around us who are uneducated about breastfeeding.  Though extended breastfeeding is recommended by both the American Academy of Pediatrics (they recommend AT LEAST one year and as long thereafter as mother and baby desire) and the World Health Organization (they recommend AT LEAST two years and as long thereafter as mother and baby desire) and the worldwide average weaning age is four-years-old, extended breastfeeding tends to make people even more uncomfortable than public breastfeeding.  So I didn’t want to go there.  No scenes, please.  Not the time to educate others.

So I walked by on the outside of her chair, she smiled at me and I managed something along the lines of
“I just wanted to say, before we left, how great it is to see you sitting here taking care of your little one like that.  I did that for years with my own and it’s wonderful to see someone else out-and-about doing it, good for you!”

The trouble was, at first she didn’t know what I meant.  And once again, I didn’t want to actually say “breastfeeding” with the crowd of ears.  Should I have?  If I had embarrassed her or caused a scene it would have completely defeated the purpose.  I was not trying to inform the other people there about breastfeeding, I just wanted to give that specific mother support, a boost, a warm-and-fuzzy “GO GIRL!”

I was able to clarify by explaining “You are very good at it, isn’t it easy to be discreet when you’re in public?”

Have any of you had a similar experience, and what could I have done differently?

A breast by any other name…is still a breast, people.

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I find myself rolling my eyes often at the strange views of our society.  One of the views that bothers me is our 1950s relationship with breasts.  Society in general has a very small box in which they are allowed to fit: sexual objects that, when flaunted, encourage attention.  Our breasts have been working outside the home for a long time now, mostly selling things to men.  Though people may find the overtly sexual videos, photos, and commercials offensive, they are not yelling about whether or not others have the right to make said means of advertisement.  If they don’t like this type of media, they generally don’t watch it.  They shut the TV off or trash the magazine and cancel their subscription.  They may heap judgement upon the women who dress scantily, calling them all sorts of names and assuming they are sexually promiscuous, or they may berate society for objectifying women as sexual objects and encouraging them to equate their personal value with their appearance (you are aware of the gigantic-pun intended-number of breast enhancement surgeries every year, right? And that is has skyrocketed as a procedure in demand?)…but for the most part society accepts breasts as a natural and beatiful part of a woman’s body that she may show or not as she chooses because she (and others) like the way they look.  No one questions whether or not a woman has the right to wear clothing that shows the greatest majority of her breasts.  They may question whether or not it is appropriate, but they would never ask her to leave a function or facility because she has a low-cut or very tight shirt on.

Aaaaand now, the other shoe drops.  Within this box, breastfeeding does not fit.  Somehow, the most basic biological purpose of our breasts is shocking.  There is a reason we are called mammals – it is because we have mammary glands and make milk specifically for our own young that they suck out of us - just like cats, dogs, whales, gorillas, and yes just like cows.  The formula industry has done such a good job of brainwashing the public that their products are synonymous with babies – there are bottles on every baby blanket, shower invitation, information pamphlet, and stamped all over every OB/GYN’s and Pediatrician’s office.  Women who plan to breastfeed register for bottles for gifts.  Doctors taste-test samples of formula in medical school and are fully educated and informed about how to properly formula feed an infant, but a great number of them are completely uneducated or have bad information when it comes to the way we are actually supposed to feed our infants. 

I cannot count how many times I’ve heard women say “I’m tired of feeling like a cow!” and wonder to myself where they got the idea that cows are supposed to feed our babies…or is it offensive to them to be a member of  our particular class of the animal kingdom?  Would they rather be reptiles, amphibians, or birds instead? 

Breasts are viewed as very one-dimensional; they have been stereotyped.  It reminds me of the way we stereotype people (women who dress scantily want sex and will give it out to any takers, men who love sports are uneducated and lack intelligence, blonde women have a low IQ, People with brown skin are illegal immigrants, Muslims are terrorists, black men are deadbeat fathers, priests are perverts, homosexual men speak in an effeminate manner, homosexual women have short hair and wear birkenstocks, homeschoolers are all evangelical Christians, all conservatives are republicans (did I get you on that one?)…I could go on -  but this is boring and you all know these are not true. 

I bring this up because of  this photo of Julie Bowen nursing her twins, which she brought to show on the air at the George Lopez Show.  Which is great.  Thank you to Julie Bowen for being educated about breastfeeding and for recognizing it as a natural and important part of mothering.  Thank you for helping change society’s unhealthy view of breasts. 

The reason I am blogging about it is because they discussed this on The View  but refused to show the picture.  Hmmm.  Do you understand why this bothers me, people?  I don’t watch The View, because it irritates the hell out of me and I don’t have enough interest in their topics to spend my time watching it, but I am sure they spent plenty of time discussing the Oscars and showing the dresses worn there.  Do you see the amount of breasts spilling out of Hilary Swank‘s and Mariah Carey‘s dresses?  I heard nothing about people asking they be escorted away from the awards, or that dresses like this should be banned in public places, or that they should only be wearing these dresses in the restrooms.  I know with absolute certainty they would not bat an eye about showing these photos on The View.  And I also know that, though they may have been cited for a fashion faux pas, there was not a single person who questioned their RIGHT to wear these dresses.  That would be just stupid, wouldn’t it?

And yet, because they feel someone might find it offensive, The View would not show the picture of Julie Bowen’s breasts.  When Elizabeth Hasselbeck found costumes on Dancing With The Stars offensive, they did not hesitate to play clips of the show while they discussed the amount of coverage the costumes gave.  In a following episode, we saw Elizabeth crying as she apologized for hurting the feelings of the dancer and accusing her of objectifying herself. 

Will Elizabeth be crying and apologizing for hurting breastfeeding mothers and babies, for insinuating that they are so offensive when feeding their baby that it cannot be shown on television?  For being unwilling to show breasts performing their primary biological function but willing to show and berate breasts when they are just supposed to be flashy?  For contributing to the dismal percentage of mothers who breastfeed as much as the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends and cite their top reasons for quitting as lack of support and bad information?  For being doubly guilty of objectifying breasts and the women wearing them by refusing to show the photo?

Breastfeeding may, indeed, be offensive to some.  Just like tiny bikinis or shirts that practically pop out the twins may be offensive to some.  But that is really not the issue here, is it?  Women have a right to wear what they want.  So why are we having a discussion about women having a right to do something they actually NEED to do?  It really does not matter if it may offend someone else, it is still her right.  Why should my friend from highschool, who is a wonderful advocate for breastfeeding, and who happened to have many more visits from the breast fairy during puberty than me, be self conscious about breastfeeding in public because she has a lot more skin to worry about covering than me?  My baby’s head more than covered my little jugs TMI!

Breasts have two main functions, the first is as a source of perfect nutrition for human infants.  The second is as a beautiful part of the female form that can be included as a pleasurable part of sex.  The first is more important, but these purposes can coexist just fine, tyvm. 

Some ignorant people say breastfeeding is a bodily function like urinating, and therefore should be done in private because it involves bodily fluids.  This is completely incorrect.  It is a bodily function like eating, which is done socially in all of the human world.  It involves nutrients, like food and drink, and saliva, all things which are acceptable in public everywhere.  I am far more offended to see a baby being formula fed than I am watching someone chew with their mouths open.  A formula-fed baby has been a victim of doctors giving poor information and society undermining mother’s desire to breastfeed (the greatest majority of the time) and will suffer from the inferior nutrition.  Someone with poor manners just isn’t paying attention or wasn’t taught the same things I was.

Other misinformed people say breastfeeding should be done in private because it involves breasts, which contribute to sexual gratification.  Once again, since breastfeeding is primarily a form of eating, I will use society’s views of that for my example.  I am allowed, expected to, and encouraged to eat around others.  Let me assure you that my mouth can contribute to sexual gratification in ways that are not for public discussion and are far more X-rated than breasts.  And yet no one questions whether or not I should be using my mouth for its primary biological function around others.  They do not see me eating and think about what I do with my mouth during sex (usually, as far as I know). 

And don’t go all “you’re a meanie” on me – read this carefully for what it actually says.  I blame bad information and lack of or toxic support for mother’s who tried to and were not able to continue breastfeeding.  Do not read anything extra in there.  I do not blame the mothers. And don’t get all hoopty about the baby suffering from inferior nutrition – it is a proven and completely undisputed FACT that  breastmilk is (1) what a baby is supposed to be fed and (2) that formula does not provide a huge amount of things breastmilk does and finally (3) breastfed babies are healthier in many areas because of the nutrients and antibodies formula cannot produce.  A formula fed baby may be terrifically healthy – it is just not AS healthy as it would be if it were breastfed.  Just like a person may be healthy even though they eat crap.  They would be much healthier if they ate a variety of fresh foods in as close to their natural state as possible.  No one will disagree with the statement that breastfeeding is better for your baby.  You cannot disagree when I say formula feeding is worse for your baby.  It’s like saying 2+2 is 4 but 4-2 is not 2.

We need to re-examine the way we, as a society, think about and treat breasts.  I do not wear clothing that hides my breast; they are perky and contribute to the things I find pleasing about my shape.  I like to do other things with them when my husband and I are napping (link to that post here).  But the most fulfilling and important things my breasts ever did was to nourish three children.  It is why I have them in the first place!