So, as my sister and brother-in-law are aware since our trip to Las Vegas in January, My Farmer and I often refer to adult activities which take place in a bed but include zero sleeping as “napping.” That’s just how it goes when you have children. You used to be young and vulgar, but now your speech includes phrases like take a dump use the restroom, hate not my favorite, dumbass not a good decision, fart gas, shit poop and wild monkey sex nap.
When My Farmer was home for lunch yesterday, I told him that I was horny sleepy. Farmer Boy pipes up, “Hey Dad, do you want to take a nap?”
It gets better.
“Because I can tell mommy wants to take a nap. Aren’t you sleepy too? Mommy is really, really sleepy. You always want to take nap, right Dad?”
I’m snickering at this point, which of course only encourages him.
“Why don’t you and mom just go lay down in your big bed and have a looooong nap. Wouldn’t that feel great? Hey, I know, how about you lay down in your recliner and Mommy can lay on top of you?”
We are barely maintaining control of ourselves at this point and My Farmer tells him, “Not right now, buddy.”
And I give you the crowing moment of the conversation:
“But don’t you want to nap with Mommy? EVERYBODY wants to nap with Mommy. She’s the nappiest.”
I kid you not. Verbatim that is what the kid says. He is really a smart, intuitive person, you know.